Ukuba umzali kunzima. Empeleni, ngezinguquko emhlabeni wethu namuhla, kungase kube esinye sezikhathi eziyinselelo obekumele sibhekane nazo emashumini eminyaka. Ushintsho luholela ekungaqinisekini, futhi ukungaqiniseki kungaholela ekucindezelekeni. Ukucindezeleka ngokuqinisekile kuthinta zonke izici zokuphila kwethu, ngezinye izikhathi kuzoba nomthelela ebuhlotsheni bethu nabathandekayo bethu kakhulu; ikakhulukazi izingane zethu.
Izingane zethu zingaba inkimbinkimbi (sibhekane nakho, nathi singakwazi!), futhi kuwumsebenzi onzima ukuqinisekisa ukuthi konke umnyakazo “ulungile”. Lokho zonke izingxoxo zethu, izimfuno, izicelo, izinhlelo, ukuncoma nokugxeka kusho okuthile. Njalo umzuzu esiwuchitha sixoxa nezingane zethu, sinethemba lokuthi la mazwi azokwanela ukugcwalisa izingane zethu ngethemba lekusasa elihle esikhathini lapho ikusasa lingenaso isiqiniseko.. Izikhathi ziyashintsha, nalokhu kuzodlula, kodwa into eyodwa esingaqinisekisa ukuthi asisoze saba nethuba lesibili lokuchitha ubuntwana bethu nezingane zethu.
Njengabazali, sivame ukuzibuza ukuthi empeleni senza okulungile yini, sizibuza ukuthi singakwazi kanjani ukudlula izingane zethu, sizama ukuqonda izingane zethu kangcono, futhi ngezinye izikhathi sizizwa njengesehluleki esinecala ngoba sizitshela ukuthi sikwenza okungalungile. Izikhathi eziningi, akunjalo, kodwa ayikho imanuwali yeziqondiso zendlela yokukhulisa ingane ezosebenzela wonke umuntu kuzo zonke izimo. Impela, kunezeluleko eziningi, inani elikhulu kakhulu, kodwa futhi, izeluleko eziningi zinjalo nje; isiqondiso nezincomo zabantu abangazi wena noma ingane yakho. Okunye kwakho kuyasiza, futhi okunye kwakho ... hhayi kakhulu.
Okunye esingeke sikuphike wukubaluleka kobudlelwane obunempilo phakathi komzali nengane.
Ucwaningo lubonisa lokho:
- Izingane ezinobudlelwano obuhle nabazali kungenzeka zibe nobudlelwano obuhle nontanga yazo.
- Baphinde babonise ukulawulwa okungcono kwemizwa.
- Ukunamathela komzali okuvikelekile kuholela ekuthuthukisweni kwengqondo okungcono.
- Ukuxhumana okuqinile kwengane nomzali kusho ukuthi umzali uhileleke kakhulu ezimpilweni zezemfundo zabafundi, okungase kuholele ezingeni eliphezulu lokuphumelela ezifundweni.
Kubalulekile ukwenza isikhathi sokukhulisa ubuhlobo nengane yakho, futhi mhlawumbe kubaluleke nakakhulu, siqinisekisa ukuthi ukusebenzelana esinakho nezingane zethu ngaleso sikhathi kuhle. Lena into abazali abaningi abayithola iyinselele, yingakho sidale iklabhu yezincwadi zabazali yencwadi Kukhulunywa Kanjani Ukuze Izingane Zilalele Futhi Zilalele Ukuze Izingane Zikhulume ngu-Adele Faber no-Elaine Mazlish. Sisonke safunda izindlela zokuxhumana kahle nezingane zethu ukuze siqinise izibopho zethu. Sachitha isikhathi sixoxa ngemibono esencwadini, kanye nokuba nomhlangano obonakalayo ukuze ngilingise amanye amasu avela encwadini. Phezu kwalokho, simeme Umeluleki Wokuqondisa Wesikole Esiphakathi, Regina Wehner, ukunikeza abazali ishabhu ekuqondeni ukukhula kwengqondo nemizwa yengane yethu.
Nazi ezinye zezithombe ezinhle kakhulu esingathanda ukwabelana nawe ngazo!
Okokuqala, kusuka Kukhulunywa Kanjani Ukuze Izingane Zilalele Futhi Zilalele Ukuze Izingane Zikhulume, nanka amasu amabili esiwathandayo:
- Phinda Ngemva Kwami
Izingane zinenkinga yokulawula imizwa yazo, as the brain’s emotional regulation center is one of the last to develop. This means that they need our help in the form of compassion and modeling. This can be so challenging, especially when we may have difficulty managing our own emotions at times! We have an easy strategy for you that will only require two things:
- Listen
- Repeat
When your child comes home upset about something that happened at school, instead of lecturing and offering our sage advice, we can simply listen to their concerns and repeat the ideas back to them. Ngokwesibonelo, if your child comes home upset and says something like, “Ugh, today Elizabeth and Sarah were so mean to me! They completely ignored me and I hate both of them now!” Instead of saying, “Elizabeth and Sarah are your best friends. Akuyona into enkulu futhi ngiyaqiniseka ukuthi uzophila kusasa,” okungase kwenze imizwa yengane yakho ingasebenzi, ungasho, “O, Ngiyabona. U-Elizabeth noSara bakwenza wazizwa ushiywe dengwane. Lokho cishe kwakukwenza uphatheke kabi futhi uthukuthele.” Kuleli qophelo ingane yakho ingase iqhubeke ikhuluma futhi ikuvulele isifuba, okuyinto enkulu! Kusho ukuthi bayakwethemba futhi ubenza bazizwe bengcono. Qhubeka ulalele, vuma ngekhanda, isho, “Mmmhmm,” bese uphinda abakushoyo. Ukumane ulalele cishe kuyomenza azizwe ekhululekile umntanakho 100% kangcono futhi balungele ukubhekana nenselele yabo elandelayo!
2. Ngiyafisa!
Izingane zethu zivame ukuveza izifiso zazo ngendlela yokufisa sengathi ngabe ngabe izinto ezingenazo noma zifisa sengathi ngabe izinto zihlukile kunendlela eziyiyo.. Ngokwesibonelo, izingane zingasho, "Ngifisa sengathi bekungadingeki ngenze wonke lowo msebenzi wesikole." Singase siphendule, “Awu, uyakwenza futhi yilokho!” noma “Yilokho okufanele ukwenze. Kuyisibopho sakho ngakho-ke udinga ukukwenza manje!”
Lokhu kungase kudlulele ekubeni impi yezifiso njengoba abazali bezizwa bekhungathekile ngokuthi balokhu bezwa isikhalo esifanayo futhi baphinde ukucabanga okufanayo.. Izingane zizizwa zikhungathekile ngoba imibono yazo ayisebenzi futhi zizwa sengathi ayiqondwa kahle. Hhayi-ke, ungakhathazeki, silapha ukusiza! Sineqhinga elincane elizokusiza ukuthi uguqule ingxoxo, futhi lokho ku vuma nengane yakho. Kungase kuzwakale kuphikisa, kodwa sinolwazi lokuzibonela ngaleli qhinga futhi lenza izimanga!
Ngokwesibonelo, uma ingane yakho ithi, “Ngifisa sengathi singaya epaki namuhla ngendlela ebengifuna ngayo!”
Esikhundleni sokuthi, “Angikwazi, Ngimatasa kakhulu,” noma “Yebo, kodwa asikwazi, liyana,” singasho, “Ngifisa sengathi nathi singakwazi! Besingaya epaki siyoba nepikiniki! Besingandiza ikhayithi bese siqhumisa amabhamuza! Kungani singenayo ipikiniki egumbini lokuphumula futhi ngemva kwalokho singakwazi ukushaya ama-bubbles endlini yokugezela!”
Ingxenye yokuqala yenza izingane zijabule futhi umcabango wazo uqhubeke, ebayisa endaweni ejabulisayo. Ingxenye elandelayo ibenza bazizwe bezwakala futhi bexhumene nawe.
Manje, amanye amaphuzu avelele kaNks. Wehner's workshop:
*Ngicela ungisize ngikhethe lezi! :)*
Uma ungathanda ukujoyina enye yezinkundla zokucobelelana ngolwazi noma amakilabhu wokubhuka esikhathini esizayo, qiniseka ukuthi uyasilandela futhi uhlale ubukele! Sinezinto ezinkulu ezizayo kulekwindla!
