Being a parent is hard. In fact, with the changes in our world today, it might just be one of the challenging moments we have had to face in decades. Change leads to uncertainty, and uncertainty can lead to stress. Stress certainly affects all areas of our lives, sometimes it will impact our relationship with our loved ones the most; especially our children.
Our children can be complicated (let’s face it, so can we!), and it is a daunting task to ensure that every move is the “right” one. That all of our conversations, demands, requests, plans, amaanta iyo dhaleecaynta ayaa wax ka dhigan. Daqiiqad kasta waxaan ku qaadanaa la hadalka caruurteena, Waxaan rajaynaynaa in erayadani ay ku filnaan doonaan buuxinta ubadkeena rajo mustaqbal weyn xilli mustaqbalku yahay mid aan la hubin.. Waqtigu wuu is beddelaa, oo taasuna way gudbi doontaa, Laakiin hal shay oo aan dammaanad qaadi karno ayaa ah inaan waligeen fursad labaad u helin carruurnimada carruurteena.
Waalid ahaan, inta badan waxaan iswaydiinaa in aan dhab ahaantii samayneyno wax sax ah, inagoo la yaaban sida aan uga gudbi karno caruurteena, isku day inaad si fiican u fahanto caruurteena, mararka qaarkoodna waxaan dareemeynaa inaan dambiile ahayn sababtoo ah waxaan nafteena u sheegnaa inaan sameyneyno khalad. Marar badan, xaalku sidaas maaha, laakiin ma jiro buug-tilmaameed ku saabsan sida loo koriyo ubadka oo u shaqayn doona qof walba xaalad kasta. Hubaal, talo badan baa jirta, xaddi xad dhaaf ah oo ka mid ah, laakiin mar kale, inta badan talada waa taas; hagida iyo talooyinka dadka aan aqoon adiga iyo ilmahaaga. Qaar baa waxtar leh, qaarna… ma badna.
Hal shay oo aynaan dafiri karin ayaa ah muhiimadda uu leeyahay xidhiidhka caafimaadka qaba ee u dhexeeya waalidka iyo ilmaha.
Cilmi baaris ayaa muujisay in:
- Carruurta leh xiriir waalid oo caafimaad qaba waxay u badan tahay inay xiriir wanaagsan la yeeshaan asaagooda.
- Waxay sidoo kale soo bandhigaan nidaam shucuureed oo wanaagsan.
- Ku xirnaanta waalidnimada oo sugan waxay horseedaa korriin garasho oo wanaagsan.
- Xiriirka adag ee ubadka iyo waalidka macnihiisu waa in waalidku aad ugu lug leeyahay nolosha waxbarashada ardayda, taasoo u horseedi karta heer sare oo guul waxbarasho ah.
Waa lagama-maarmaan in la siiyo wakhti aad ku kobcinayso xidhiidhka ilmahaaga, iyo laga yaabee xitaa in ka sii muhiimsan, hubinta isdhexgalka aan la leenahay caruurteena inta lagu jiro wakhtigaas inay yihiin kuwo wanaagsan. Tani waa wax ay waalidiin badani ku adag tahay, waana sababta aanu buuga ugu samaynay naadiga buuga waalidka Sida Loo Hadlo Si Carruurtu Ay U Dhagaystaan Oo U Dhagaystaan Si Caruurtu U Hadlaan Waxaa qoray Adele Faber iyo Elaine Mazlish. Waxaan si wada jir ah u baranay habab si togan loola xiriiro caruurteena si aan u xoojino xiriirkeena. Waxaan waqti ku qaadannay ka doodista fikradaha buugga, sidoo kale waxay yeesheen kulan toos ah oo lagu ciyaarayo qaar ka mid ah xeeladaha buugga. Intaa ka sokow, waxaanu ku casuunay lataliyaha Hagitaanka Dugsiga Dhexe, Regina Wehner, si aan waalidiinta u siino aqoon-is-weydaarsi ku saabsan fahamka garashada iyo horumarka shucuureed ee ilmaheena.
Waa kuwan qaar ka mid ah qodobbada ugu muhiimsan ee aan jeclaan lahayn inaan kula wadaagno!
First, from Sida Loo Hadlo Si Carruurtu Ay U Dhagaystaan Oo U Dhagaystaan Si Caruurtu U Hadlaan, here are two of our favorite strategies:
- Repeat After Me
Children have difficulty regulating their emotions, as the brain’s emotional regulation center is one of the last to develop. This means that they need our help in the form of compassion and modeling. This can be so challenging, especially when we may have difficulty managing our own emotions at times! We have an easy strategy for you that will only require two things:
- Listen
- Repeat
When your child comes home upset about something that happened at school, instead of lecturing and offering our sage advice, we can simply listen to their concerns and repeat the ideas back to them. For example, if your child comes home upset and says something like, “Ugh, today Elizabeth and Sarah were so mean to me! Gebi ahaanba way iga indho-tireen, labadoodana hadda waan necbahay!” Halkii laga odhan lahaa, "Elizabeth iyo Sarah waa saaxiibadaada ugu fiican. Wax weyn maaha, waxaanan hubaa inaad berri fiicnaan doonto,” taasoo burin karta dareenka ilmahaaga, waxaad dhihi kartaa, “Ah, waan arkaa. Elizabeth iyo Sarah waxay ku dareensiiyeen in xoogaa laga tagay. Taasi waxay u badan tahay inay ku dareensiisay xoogaa murugo iyo waalan.” Halkaa marka ay marayso ilmahaagu waxa laga yaabaa inuu sii wado hadalka oo uu kuu furto, taas oo weyn! Waxay la macno tahay inay ku kalsoon yihiin oo aad dareensiinayso inay fiicnaanayaan. Sii wad dhegeysiga, lux, dheh, “Mmmhmm,” oo ku celi waxay leeyihiin. Inaad si fudud u dhegaysato waxay u badan tahay inay ilmahaaga dareensiiso 100% si fiican oo diyaar u ah inay wajahaan caqabadooda soo socota!
2. waxaan rabaa!
Carruurteena waxay inta badan ku muujiyaan rabitaankooda qaab rabitaan ah inay haystaan wax aysan haysan ama waxay jeclaan lahaayeen inay wax ka duwan yihiin sida ay yihiin.. For example, carruurtu waxay odhan karaan, "Waxaan jeclaan lahaa inaanan qaban shaqada gurigaas oo dhan." Waxaa laga yaabaa inaan ku jawaabno, “Hagaag, waxaad samaysaa waana taas!"ama" Waa waxa ay tahay inaad sameyso. Waa masuuliyadaada markaa waxaad u baahan tahay inaad hadda sameyso!”
Tani waxa laga yaabaa in ay isu badasho dagaal rabitaan ah iyada oo waalidiintu ay ka niyad jabsan yihiin in ay maqlaan isla cabashada oo ay ku celceliyaan isla sababtii.. Carruurtu waxay dareemaan niyad-jab sababtoo ah ra'yigooda waa la buriyay waxayna dareemayaan in si khaldan loo fahmay. Waa hagaag, ha ka welwelin, waxaan halkaan u joognaa inaan caawino! Waxaan haynaa khiyaamo yar oo kaa caawin doonta inaad u jeediso wada hadalka, taasina waa in ku heshiiyaan ilamahaga. Waxay u ekaan kartaa mid liddi ku ah, laakiin waxaan leenahay khibrad toos ah khiyaamadan waxayna u shaqeysaa yaabab!
For example, haddii ilmahaagu yiraahdo, "Waxaan jeclaan lahaa inaan maanta aado beerta sida aan rabo!”
Halkii laga odhan lahaa, "Ma awoodo, mashquul badan ayaan ahay,"ama" Haa, laakiin ma awoodno, waa da'ayaa,” waxaan dhihi karnaa, “Waxaan jeclaan lahaa inaan sidoo kale awoodno! Waxaan aadi karnaa beerta oo aan ku soo tagno! Waxaan duuli karnaa qaniinyo oo aan afuufno xumbo! Waa maxay sababta aan u haysanin jimicsi qolka fadhiga iyo ka dib waxaan ku afuufi karnaa xumbo musqusha!”
Qaybta hore waxay ku abuurtaa farxad iyo male awaal, iyaga oo geynaya meel faraxsan. Qaybta xigta waxay dareensiinaysaa in la maqlay oo ay kugu xidhan yihiin.
Hadda, qaar ka mid ah waxyaabaha ugu muhiimsan ee Ms. Aqoon isweydaarsiga Wehner:
*Fadlan iga caawi inaan doorto kuwan! :)*
If you would like to join one of our workshops or book clubs in the future, make sure to follow us and stay tuned! We have great things coming up this fall!
