Ukuba ngumzali kunzima. Inyaniso, ngotshintsho kwihlabathi lethu namhlanje, isenokuba lelinye lamathuba anzima ebesijongene nawo kumashumi eminyaka. Utshintsho lukhokelela ekungaqiniseki, kwaye ukungaqiniseki kunokukhokelela kuxinzelelo. Uxinzelelo ngokuqinisekileyo luchaphazela zonke iinkalo zobomi bethu, ngamanye amaxesha iya kuba nefuthe kubudlelwane bethu nabo sibathandayo kakhulu; ingakumbi abantwana bethu.
Abantwana bethu banokuba nzima (masijongane nayo, nathi singakwazi!), kwaye ngumsebenzi onzima ukuqinisekisa ukuba yonke intshukumo "ilungile".. Ukuba zonke iincoko zethu, iimfuno, izicelo, izicwangciso, iindumiso nezigxeko zithetha okuthile. Umzuzu ngamnye siwuchitha sincokola nabantwana bethu, sinethemba lokuba la mazwi aya kwanela ukuzalisa abantwana bethu ngethemba lekamva elikhulu ngexesha apho ikamva lingaqinisekanga.. Amaxesha ayatshintsha, kwanako oku kuya kudlula, kodwa inye into esinokuqinisekisa ngayo kukuba asisoze sibenalo ithuba lesibini lokuchitha ubuntwana bethu nabantwana bethu.
Njengabazali, sihlala sizibuza ukuba senza into elungileyo na, sizibuza ukuba singabafumana njani abantwana bethu, sizama ukubaqonda ngcono abantwana bethu, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha siziva sinetyala ngenxa yokuba sizixelela ukuba siyenza into engalunganga. Amaxesha amaninzi, akunjalo, kodwa akukho ncwadana yemiyalelo yendlela yokukhulisa umntwana eya kusebenza wonke umntu kuzo zonke iimeko. Ngokuqinisekileyo, maninzi amacebiso, ubuninzi bayo, kodwa kwakhona, amacebiso amaninzi anjalo; isikhokelo kunye neengcebiso ngabantu abangaziyo wena okanye umntwana wakho. Ezinye ziluncedo, kwaye ezinye zazo ... hayi kakhulu.
Enye into esingenakuyikhanyela nangona kunjalo kukubaluleka kobudlelwane obunempilo phakathi komzali nomntwana.
Uphando lubonisa ukuba:
- Abantwana abanobudlelwane obuphilileyo nabazali banokuba nobudlelwane obuhle noontanga babo.
- Bakwabonisa ulawulo olungcono lweemvakalelo.
- Uqhagamshelwano olukhuselekileyo lwabazali lukhokelela kuphuhliso olungcono lwengqondo.
- Unxibelelwano oluluqilima lomntwana nomzali luthetha ukuba umzali ubandakanyeka ngakumbi kubomi bokufunda babafundi, nto leyo enokukhokelela kwinqanaba eliphezulu lokuphumelela ezifundweni.
Kubalulekile ukwenza ixesha lokukhulisa ubudlelwane nomntwana wakho, kwaye mhlawumbi kubaluleke ngakumbi, siqinisekisa ukuba unxibelelwano esinalo nabantwana bethu ngelo xesha luyakha. Le yinto abazali abaninzi abayifumanisa ilucelomngeni, yiyo loo nto sidale iklabhu yeencwadi yabazali yencwadi Indlela yokuthetha ukuze abantwana bamamele kwaye bamamele ukuze abantwana bathethe nguAdele Faber kunye noElaine Mazlish. Sikunye siye safunda iindlela zokunxibelelana kakuhle nabantwana bethu ukuze someleze amaqhina ethu. Sachitha ixesha sixubusha ngeembono zaloo ncwadi, kunye nokuba nomhlangano obonakalayo wokudlala indima yobuchule obuthile obusuka encwadini. Ngaphezu koko, simeme uMcebisi weSikhokelo seSikolo esiPhakathi, URegina Wehner, ukubonelela abazali ngocweyo ekuqondeni ukukhula kwengqondo kunye neemvakalelo zomntwana wethu.
Nanga amagqabantshintshi esingathanda ukwabelana nawe nawe!
Ekuqaleni, ukusuka Indlela yokuthetha ukuze abantwana bamamele kwaye bamamele ukuze abantwana bathethe, Nazi ezimbini zezicwangciso zethu esizithandayo:
- Phinda emveni kwam
Abantwana banobunzima bokulawula iimvakalelo zabo, njengoko iziko lokulawula iimvakalelo zengqondo lelinye lelokugqibela ukuphuhlisa. Oku kuthetha ukuba badinga uncedo lwethu ngendlela yovelwano kunye nemodeli. Oku kunokuba lucelomngeni, ngakumbi xa sinokuba nobunzima bokulawula iimvakalelo zethu ngamanye amaxesha! Sinesicwangciso esilula kuwe esiya kufuna izinto ezimbini kuphela:
- Phulaphula
- Phinda
Xa umntwana wakho efika ekhaya ecaphukile ngento eyenzeke esikolweni, endaweni yokufundisa kunye nokubonelela ngeengcebiso zethu zobulumko, sinokusuka nje simamele izinto ezibaxhalabisayo size siziphinde iingcamango kubo. Umzekelo, ukuba umntwana wakho ufika ekhaya ecaphukile kwaye athethe into enje, “Yhuu, namhlanje uElizabhete noSarah babendiphethe kakubi! Bebengandihoya tu bendibacaphukela bobabini ngoku!” Endaweni yokuthi, “UElizabeth noSara ngabahlobo bakho abasenyongweni. Ayisiyonto inkulu kwaye ndiqinisekile ukuba uya kuba kakuhle ngomso,” nto leyo enokwenza iimvakalelo zomntwana wakho zingasebenzi, ungatsho, “Owu, Ndiyabona. UElizabhete noSarah bakwenza waziva ulilolo. Mhlawumbi loo nto ikwenze wadakumba kwaye wacaphuka.” Ngeli xesha umntwana wakho usenokuqhubeka ethetha kwaye avuleleke kuwe, into enkulu! Kuthetha ukuba bayakuthemba kwaye ubenza bazive bengcono. Qhubeka uphulaphule, nqwala, yithi, “Mmmhmm,” baze baphinde oko bakuthethayo. Ukumamela nje ngokulula kuya kumenza umntwana wakho azive 100% ngcono kwaye ulungele ukujongana nomngeni wabo olandelayo!
2. Ndiyanwena!
Abantwana bethu badla ngokuvakalisa iminqweno yabo ngendlela yokunqwenela ukuba babenezinto abangenazo okanye banqwenele ukuba izinto zahluke ngendlela abayiyo.. Umzekelo, abantwana banokuthi, “Akwaba bekunganyanzelekanga ukuba ndenze wonke loo msebenzi wasekhaya.” Sinokuphendula, “Kulungile, uyayenza kwaye yiloo nto!” okanye “Yinto omele uyenze. Luxanduva lwakho ngoko kufuneka ukwenze ngoku!”
Oku kusenokuphumela kwidabi leminqweno njengoko abazali beziva bedimazekile kukuba besoloko besiva isikhalazo esifanayo baze baphinde baqiqe ngendlela efanayo.. Abantwana baziva bekhathazekile ngenxa yokuba izimvo zabo zingasebenzi yaye baziva bengaqondwa kakuhle. Kulungile, subanexhala, silapha ukunceda! Sineqhinga elincinci eliya kukunceda ujike incoko, kwaye oko kuya ndivume nomntwana wakho. Isenokuvakala iphikisana, kodwa sinamava obuqu ngeli qhinga kwaye lisebenza ngokumangalisayo!
Umzekelo, ukuba umntwana wakho uthe, “Ndinqwenela ukuba siye epakini namhlanje njengoko bendifuna!”
Endaweni yokuthetha, "Andinako, Ndixakeke kakhulu,” okanye “Ewe, kodwa asikwazi, iyanetha,” sinokuthi, “Ndinqwenela ukuba nathi singakwazi! Singaya epakini size senze ipikiniki! Sasikwazi ukubhabhisa ikayiti size sivuthele amaqamza! Kutheni singenayo ipikniki kwigumbi lokuhlala kwaye emva koko sinokuvuthela amaqamza kwindawo yokuhlambela!”
Inxalenye yokuqala yenza abantwana babe nemincili kunye nokucinga kwabo kuhamba, ukubasa kwindawo eyonwabileyo. Inxalenye elandelayo ibenza bazive beviwe kwaye benxibelelene nawe.
Ngoku, amanye amagqabantshintshi avela kuNksk. Wehner's workshop:
*Ndicela undincede ndikhethe ezi! :)*
Ukuba ungathanda ukujoyina enye yeendibano zethu zocweyo okanye iiklabhu zencwadi kwixesha elizayo, qiniseka ukuba uyasilandela kwaye uhlale ubukele! Sinezinto ezinkulu ezizayo ngokwindla!
